Starting A Music Business: My Goals

Every time I watch musical theatre live, I begin to cry.

It doesn’t matter what the first couple of songs are about: I’m here; an incredible cast is performing, and I’m home.

Everything that is “me” comes alive.

I recently went to see Wicked, which I last saw on Broadway at 15.

“This is my sports!” I laughed WHOOPING loud enough for fifty people while the cast bowed after the performance.

But it’s so much more than that.

I see myself on stage. I imagine the day when the performers on stage are singing my songs. I am filled with a feeling of, “Yes! This! I belong here in every way. This makes life make sense.”

The Soul’s Winding Path…

As the show began, I was met with an unexamined sadness for the life path I didn’t follow.

During my teenage years, I was deeply attached to pursuing acting. At 16, I was fortunate enough (thank you, Mom) to attend a four-week camp with New York Film Academy in Los Angeles. I thought I would move to New York or Los Angeles after high school to attend university for acting.

But when it came time to apply for schools, the doubt in myself and my abilities, plus my lifelong experience of being fat were too loud for me to focus on the task at hand. Paired with my parent's divorce and the realization that I couldn't actually afford the schools that called to me, I never submitted my application for NYU. In the end, I applied, auditioned, and got rejected from one school: Cal Arts.

Looking back, I could have gone to a large number of far more affordable schools and still gotten my acting or musical theatre degree.

But I didn’t. And I struggle with accepting this choice.

The path I did choose, in many ways, feels like the path I needed. But it's okay to admit that it isn’t the one I wanted. I wish I knew what the other path looked like.

I wish I had been brave.

Simultaneously, I am weaving the path of my soul. Perhaps this is a far greater route than I can appreciate from my limited perspective.

But until this Wicked performance, I plastered over the sadness and told myself this dream had gone by. It reminded me of the limitation I placed on my songwriting until my life became so clouded and undesirable that I finally gave up.

So I could began the, admittedly, arduous process of learning. I stopped telling myself that I can’t—when I know damn well I am capable of anything I want to put my heart, mind, and soul into.

Which is why this particular musical theatre event realigned me with the due North I have stumbled toward, one way or another, my entire life.

…Never Stops Calling Us Forward

Along the path I did choose, I gained a confidence in my person that 15-year-old me didn’t realize was possible without losing weight.

Along the path I did choose, I performed as much as I could in my early 20s and became a stellar performer with a small-town following.

Along the path I did choose, I wrote a musical about The End of The World, which is about how letting go of love can feel like the end of the world.

Along the path I did choose, I built a career that supports me.

Along the path I did choose, I have developed my writing skills and continue to write like my life is on fire, as I have so often felt it is.

Along the path I did choose, I made a life-long friend who I cannot imagine walking this world without (shoutout to Monserrat).

Along the path I did choose, I have a million wonderful memories of awesome adventures with my mom and many more to come. And I will cherish the way we have supported each other throughout life always.

Along the path I did choose, I have learned about this country from the perspectives of those who have always had to build a home within a place that never welcomed or appreciated them. I have been fortunate to learn about and join the continued effort forward, instead of falling on fragility or entitlement.

Along the path I did choose, I have the opportunity to become an artist by my own definition.

Along the path I did choose, I continuously discover myself and learn what true fulfillment feels like.

Along the path I did choose, I met my beautiful girlfriend. I fell in love and get to experience the challenges and incredible joys of our small family.

Along the path I did choose, I stopped waiting to make a million dollars to feel secure.

Along the path I did choose, I am taking my time because I know the path I walk is mine and no one else can follow the internal call of my soul but me.

Along this path, my dreams have only gotten bigger, louder, brighter, stronger, and more deliberate.

My Goals

I don’t play small. Nor do I need to convince myself that any of this is guaranteed. I simply won’t stop. I will continue to learn and grow and improve.

Nor am I so attached to these goals that I won't let them evolve. But after 32 years, these come back again and again:

• 30-Year Goal: Compose musicals; at least one on Broadway
• 20-Year Goal: Star In A Broadway Show
• 10-Year Goal: Hit Song + Sold Out Tours
• 5-Year Goal: Full Time Artist (Self-Produced)
• 2-Year Goal: 1st Album Released
• 1-Year Goal: 1st Single Released & Dollar Made

Seeing Wicked again reminded me that writing Broadway musicals is one of my dreams.

Funnily enough, I found it easier to start with the 30-year goal and work my way backward to this year. It’s the last thing on my heart that I’ve continued to tell myself isn’t possible. Hogwash! Balderdash!

The older I get, the more I'm convinced something, someone (perhaps myself down the line) is calling me forward.

It feels trite to say anything is possible. But to my core, I know we are limitless. And that what you are pulled toward, is meant for you.

Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

What I’m Working On This Month

I turn 32 this month. It's got me feeling a beautiful type of way.

I'm excited to go to the spa, review last year's then do this year's birthday journaling, and read my tarot for the next year.

This has been a month of taking care of myself.

I fell in love with swimming at my community center. I cut back on smoking significantly. I've been reading my tarot most days to connect with all my benevolent guides and ancestors that give me strength. I put up my tiny desk xmas tree early cause it makes me smile.

Creative Goals Check-In

• Create A Morning Routine That Makes It Impossible to Sleep In ❌
• Start Going to The Community Center Once A Week ✅
• Publish My First Newsletter Issue to Substack & Medium ✅
• Finish My First Song ✅

This Month's Goals

Focus On My Songwriting Mentorship & Finish Two More Demos

I mentioned last month that I began a 12-week mentorship with Connor Frost to develop a process for turning my improved songs into skeleton demos.

I have completed (almost entirely; I just can't let go of figuring out voice led chords before calling it done 😅) the first demo of four that I need to finish before Christmas. Which means I got to get a move on!

It makes sense that the first song took the longest, since I was developing the process with Connor. But now it's my turn to apply the process again (and again and again) so it will become a natural part of my toolkit.

Start "Hard 75—Writer's Edition" After My Birthday

• Follow a nutrition plan of your choice–no alcohol or cheat meals allowed.
• Do two 45-minute workouts each day, one indoors and another outdoors.
• Drink a gallon of water each day.
• Read 10 pages of a book each day. Write one (typed) page of my book each day.
• Take a progress picture each day.

Cajun blood don't fold. I am just getting started in life, and we're just getting started creating a country that is a genuinely good place for all kinds of people.

I don't have time to play small. This is a great way to expand what I think I am capable of doing, and teach my brain and body just how much more we can do.

*I decided to change one of the "Hard 75" requirements to align with another one of my goals that I keep putting off and making excuses about: writing a book.

Something I Love

We Will Rest!: The Art of Escape by Tricia Hersey: A new book from the Nap Bishop herself debuts Nov 12th.

Take care of yourselves, loves. Please lean on all those who love you.

Thank you for reading.

With love and badassery,
Conner